Not according to plan
by mrspencil
Summary: A tale of the Enterprise and crew at the end of a tour of duty. T rating as precaution re mild alcohol/drug reference


_another ScoTpress poem-clearly I had way too much time on my hands at some point_

_Narrator is a nameless Captain`s yeoman(she has a back story but not in this poem)_

_T rating as precaution re mild reference to alcohol and drugs_

Star Trek characters belong to Paramount not to me

* * *

********

Not according to plan

* * *

The ship docked in at Starbase Nine, prepared for R and R,

As usual several light years overdue.

We needed to recover in a well stocked Starbase bar

From all the trials which Starfleet put us through.

For boldly going crewmen, the work had been routine,

The past few months had been like all the rest;

We'd travelled out beyond the stars, where none had been before,

And volunteered for every crazy quest.

* * *

The engines stopped, the ship was docked! We stared in disbelief,

For once, our route had not been rearranged.

We'd learned to take no notice when a shore leave was announced

As nine times out of ten the plans were changed.

We often _nearly _reached our goal, before they turned us back,

And sent us on some peril-laden trip.

It always seemed a bit unfair that when disaster struck

We always seemed to be the nearest ship.

* * *

We'd risked our lives a thousand times for Justice, Truth and Love,

Brought lasting peace to age-old warring nations.

We'd found the cure for deadly plagues, defeated evil foe,

Shipped countless hordes of Starfleet delegations.

We'd bravely saved the Galaxy from all-consuming threats,

Seen several mad dictators overthrown,

And when it got too dull for us we'd livened up the scene,

By taking short-cuts through the Neutral Zone

* * *

The Enterprise was battered from her missions (see above),

And needed several weeks to be repaired.

A ship-wide call from Captain Kirk confirmed what we had hoped,

A state of recreation was declared.

We all drew lots for shore leave groups, prepared to hit the town.

I packed my most revealing cocktail dress,

And tried to look astonished when I drew the Captain's team;

I'd bribed the man in charge with great success.

* * *

We headed for the Starbase bar, intent on wine and song,

The Captain, me, Uhura and McCoy.

The Vulcan followed close behind, a long night stretched ahead

The prospect wasn't filling him with joy.

He found it most illogical to spend his time this way,

Instead of in some quiet meditation.

We found it more illogical that, when James Kirk had asked,

He hadn't quite refused the invitation.

* * *

We found the bar, and stepped inside, the Vulcan looked around,

And wished his turn for leave had been postponed.

He saw bedraggled tribbles far too drunk to multiply,

And half a dozen Hortas getting stoned.

Inebriated beings from a hundred different worlds

Were propping up the bar, or on the floor.

His eyebrows rose to record heights, when Kirk announced with glee,

"It's just the sort of place we're looking for!"

* * *

We made our way across the room, to find some empty seats,

Avoiding toppled chair and drunken Horta.

A round of "Supernovas" was insisted on by Kirk,

Ignoring Vulcan pleas for Altair water.

We sat and watched the world go by, the alcohol flowed free,

Sang bawdy songs, watched dancing girls gyrating.

The Vulcan soberly observed his shipmates hard at play,

Concluding we were mad- but fascinating.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile, at _the Star base docks, a second ship appeared,_

_An ancient battered cruiser shipping freight._

_It hobbled in, a rusty heap, a scarred and creaking hulk,_

_A vessel several decades out of date._

_With shipping marks obscured by grime, its origin was blurred,_

_It docked beside the Starship Enterprise._

_And none who saw its sorry state saw through the rust and grime,_

_An old Orion slave ship in disguise._

* * *

The man called "Time!" we staggered up, bade new found friends farewell,

The Vulcan led our way across the floor.

Combined effects of brandy, and Romulan brewed ale,

Had made it pretty hard to find the door.

We swayed across the dancing floor, a lot the worse for wear,

The Vulcan, bless him , calm and dignified.

Despite the four of us in tow, a merry drunken group,

He managed to maintain his Vulcan pride

* * *

We reached the door, a shadow fell, tall strangers blocked our path.

We glanced behind, the crowd had disappeared.

A group of huge Orions moved towards us, looking mean.

Our alcohol-fogged senses quickly cleared.

The Captain gave a stirring speech, to try and talk them round,

We females, as expected, sobbed and wailed

The Vulcan tried pure logic next; the Doctor raved and swore,

But still they kept advancing, we had failed!

* * *

We slowly backed across the floor, our chance of rescue slim,

Our ship's communicators left behind.

A peaceful conversation or a friendly little drink

Was not what these Orions had in mind.

The odds were quite uneven, we didn't have a hope

Of spoiling these Orion pirate's fun.

Our last clear recollection was of five Orion smiles,

And five Orion phasers set on stun.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile at the Starbase docks, on board the Enterprise,

_Repairs were going smoothly, just as planned._

_The Scottish engineer in charge had even found the time_

_To give a nearby freighter ship a hand._

_A rusting hulk had hailed his ship, requesting his advice_

_On quick repairs to helm and navigation_

_He'd__ solved their problems, earned their thanks, and then watched their ship depart,_

_And wondered at its freight and destination._

* * *

I woke on board a moving ship, my senses slowly cleared.

I looked around, my heart was beating fast.

Close by, my four companions stirred, and struggled to their feet.

We could not tell what length of time had passed.

`Twas dark and cold and sinister, inside our prison cell,

We were thirsty, tired and cold and hadn't eaten.

The Captain tried to cheer us up (his second stirring speech),

Declaring that his crew could not be beaten.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile, at the Starbase docks ,aStarfleet call came through,

_With Kirk on leave it went to Mr Scott._

"_We need your help quite urgently; some Vital Plans have gone,_

_We think there is some dark and evil plot!_

_The thieves escaped on board a ship, a rusting, damaged hulk._

_It must not reach its final destination._

_We think it's heading out your way-you must retrieve those plans._

_It's up to you to save the Federation!"_

_

* * *

_

The Scottish engineer turned pale, recalled the recent help

_He'd given to a hulk with unknown freight._

_Not only had he watched them leave, without a second thought_

_He'd also helped the foe to navigate._

_His accent growing more pronounced (this happened under stress),_

_He called the shore leave parties back to work._

_They'd all returned within the hour, except for one small group,_

_Including Spock, McCoy and Captain Kirk_

* * *

Back inside the prison cell, our lot had not improved,

We found that breaking jail could be quite hard.

McCoy had faked a dread disease; his cries had been ignored,

And Spock had failed to "hypnotise "a guard,

No lovely lady warder passed, so Kirk could win her heart,

We'd no transponder crystals in our skin,

No friendly rebel help appeared, the prison bars stood firm,

Our hopes of reaching home again were slim.

* * *

The hours ticked by, a key was turned, the cell door opened wide,

A huge Orion pirate crossed the floor.

"It's useless to resist," he boomed," You must accept defeat.

I'll tell you what your future has in store.

The ladies will be sold as slaves; the men will dig our mines,

A different fate awaits the Vulcan's brain;

We'll find it quite invaluable for running life support."

He frowned at our response of "Not again!"

* * *

He turned to where we females sat, and ordered us to move,

He praised our flawless skin and perfect features.

Despite James Kirks objections, he led us to the door.

"Our leader must inspect these lovely creatures!"

We had to leave our friends behind; the door was firmly shut,

He led us to the centre of the ship.

He made the false assumption we were helpless little things,

We waited for his vigilance to slip.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile at the Star base docks, the crew were quite concerned,

_A search for Kirk and Co was under way._

_The Scottish engineer was torn, upset at missing friends,_

_But keen to chase the hulk without delay._

_He compromised-a group beamed down, to check Kirks likely haunts;_

_The Starbase bar, the hotel rooms, the jail,_

_While Chekov started scanning where the rusting hulk had parked,_

_Attempting to locate her ion trail._

* * *

Back on board the pirate ship, I told our prison guard

I suffered from a serious complaint.

I held my head and moaned a lot, then caught Uhura`s eye,

And ended with a most convincing faint.

I landed in a graceful heap, Uhura feigned concern,

Our captor, for an instant, was distracted.

I grabbed his legs to trip him up, Uhura shoved behind,

His forehead with the solid wall impacted.

* * *

We fled before alarms were raised, then paused to catch our breath,

Retrieved the stunned Orion's key and gun,

Then heard a distant siren wail, saw lots of flashing lights.

The hunt for our recapture had begun.

We headed for the prison cells, retraced our recent steps,

The rescue of our friends our only thought.

We could not leave McCoy and Kirk to dig Orion mines,

Or Spock to run Orion life support.

* * *

We saw a large "No Entry" sign, and stumbled through the door,

Uhura flipped a switch to safely lock it.

A package on the table read" Top Secret Starfleet Plans",

I stuffed it in my belt (I had no pocket)

We found a ventilation grille, and quickly crawled inside,

Then tumbled down steep shafts and hairpin bends

The metal maze confused us; we were running out of time

To find the cells and liberate our friends.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile, at the Starbase docks, the _search had been in vain_,

_We'd vanished with no trace or explanation__._

_The Scot`s Command Decision was to leave his friends behind,_

_His duty was to save the Federation._

_As hoped, they'd found an ion trail to lead them to their prey._

_The Scot took Kirks command with heavy heart._

_With Chekov in the Vulcan's place and Sulu at the helm,_

_The Enterprise was ready to depart._

* * *

Back on board the prison hulk, we stopped to rest a while,

Our movements had, so far, escaped detection.

Despite our calculations, we had somehow lost our way.

We'd failed to find the prison cell direction.

We struggled on, our spirits low, and tried to overcome

The odds against our party reuniting.

Then, through the dismal silence, welcome voices reached our ears;

The distant sound of Vulcan/Doctor fighting.

* * *

We hurried on, our spirits rose, encouraged by the sounds

Of Spock`s clear Vulcan voice, and Southern drawl.

We traced the noise down winding shafts and found its origin

A metal grid embedded in the wall.

Beyond the grid , two pirates stood, outside the prison cell.

We softly raised the grid, I raised the gun.

The last clear recollection of the two Orion guards

Was me, with stolen phaser set on stun…

* * *

We quickly freed our captive friends; they greeted us with joy,

Relieved our rescue bid had gone as planned.

We tied the stunned Orions up, the Vulcan stood on guard,

The Captain (as expected) took command.

"We have to seize the ship", he said" We have to gain control.

We have to take these pirates by surprise.

We have to take the bridge by storm, and capture all the crew,

Before we call the Starship Enterprise."

* * *

The Doctor looked unhappy at the task his friend proposed,

"Surely we don't have to interfere?

The Enterprise will track us down, defeat these pirate thugs.

The wisest thing to do is stay right here."

The Vulcan turned to face McCoy, an eyebrow slightly raised,

"As usual there's a point you've overlooked.

Recall our last encounter with Orion Pirate ships;

When threatened with defeat, they self destruct."

* * *

The Doctor, irritated at the Vulcan's smug response,

Declared there was no need to risk a riot.

I we could find their sick bay he could simplify our task,

And synthesise a drug to keep them quiet.

James Kirk agreed the thoughts were sound, he organised our group,

We had to find the labs without delay.

We hurried through the open grid before more guards arrived.

Our plot to thwart the foe was under way.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile, at the Starbase docks, the Starship crew set out

_On yet another peril-laden trip._

_Their orders –to recover, if they could, the Vital Plans,_

_If they couldn`t ,to destroy the Pirate Ship._

_For hours on end the ship sailed on, through vast uncharted space,_

_To follow, at warp speed, the freighters track,_

_Till Chekov checked his view screen twice then called to Mr Scott,_

"_I think the pirate wessel`s coming back!"_

_

* * *

_

The ship was put on Red Alert, the pirate hulk approached,

_It gave no hint of danger or aggression._

_This did not fool the canny Scot; he raised the shields at once._

_His goal- a swift and bloodless repossession._

_His message reached the pirate ship-it's meaning loud and clear._

"_Surrender or we'll blow your ship away!"_

_To Scott's complete amazement, a familiar voice replied,_

"_Just try it and I'll dock you six months pay!"_

* * *

Reunion on the Enterprise! The Captains safe return!

A cause for ship wide joy and celebration!

The reason why a pirate ship was manned by Starfleet's best

Involved a rather lengthy explanation.

We told of huge Orion guards, and dismal prison cells,

The anaesthetic gas McCoy discovered.

The endless ventilation shafts, our ultimate success,

With dangers overcome and plans recovered.

* * *

Later, at the Starbase docks, the Enterprise returned,

She needed two more weeks to be repaired.

A ship wide call, from Captain Kirk, confirmed what we had feared,

A state of recreation was declared.

Our "gang of five" declined the chance, preferred to stay on board.

We felt return to work was overdue.

We needed to recover in the peace of outer space

From all the trials which shore leave put us through.


End file.
